My Forgotten Fear

Everyone is afraid of something. Mainly simple things like heights, spiders or the dark; and as humans who enjoy the comfort of knowing we are not alone, we usually share these light fears. There is one fear that I have kept a secret for as long as I can remember. I do not know if it is because I am scared that I won't find comfort from others or because I constantly try to write it off as silly, but it is something that is always in the back of my mind. I am terrified of guns.

Now don't get me wrong, it's not the gun itself I am afraid of, it's the person behind it. It's the fear that I could be in a crowded place someday and I can get shot. It's the fear of keeping an eye on someone wearing a trench coat because I do not know what they are hiding behind the folds. It's the fear that I know that my local school, movie theater, or even now, night club is not a safe place for me to be. It's the fear that shootings are so common in America that I need to have that fear.

Since being in Australia, that fear has diminished immensely. I no longer keep an eye on the "sketchy" student aggressively riffling through his bag because he is most likely looking for his notes. I don't go into the city and watch the people around me for any suspicious signs. I especially don't have this nagging idea of "what if" constantly running through my mind.

I feel I'm not the only American who has this fear. The millennial generation that I am a part of is the first to have practice drills for the scenario "if a person who does not have permission to enter the school gets inside." Even from our first drill, we all understood that meant "a person with a gun with intent to harm." Anyone in my generation can tell you the rules of close the blinds, lock the door, turn the lights off, hide against the wall and be completely silent. Luckily, I've only been in a real lock down once, and that was because a stray dog was lured into my school by the smell of chicken nuggets for lunch. But there are many schools across the United States who have had to actually use this drill to save lives and keep students safe.

Being raised in a world where Columbine, Virginia Tech, Aurora, Colorado, Sandy Hook and now Pulse nightclub all have connotations of guns and sorrow, has impacted me to a point where I live in an almost constant fear. The worst part of it all, is that I know when I step off that plane in less than two weeks time back in America, I will have to switch that fear back on in my head.

I will have to go back to being in a crowded area and wondering what my next moves will be if that person sitting 10 feet from me were to open fire. I will have to go back to sitting in a movie theater and looking around knowing where all my emergency exits are to make a quick escape. I will have to go back to always hearing that voice inside my head saying "this could happen at any moment, what are you going to do to make it out alive?"

Having this vacation from my constant subconscious companion has been nice. I feel safe and worry free here in Australia trying not to be a step ahead of anyone who may harm me. I don't know what it will take in America for this to be the case for me as well, but I'm hoping to be able to live to see the day where I can live free of this burden.

'Target'ing the Gender Issue with Public Restrooms

A few weeks ago Target publicly announced a major change to their restroom and changing room policies. Now transgender people can use the bathrooms/changing rooms of their current/chosen gender and not the gender that is on their birth certificate. This has caused a major uproar, and has even influenced a petition to ban Target to be signed by almost a million people. I personally sit on the fence with this issue, and I’m not really sure how I feel on this subject matter.

People are upset about this change in policy for many reasons; religious beliefs, feeling that it will lead to people who aren’t transgender taking advantage of this rule, and mainly discomfort. To this, I have a story from my travels:

Last week while I was in Melbourne my friends and I decided to go out to a bar in the city to dance and have a few drinks. Having a sever water addiction like I do, I soon needed to use the restroom at this bar. I walked to the back of the establishment and searched for a few minutes, looking for the familiar “girl” symbol on the door, searching for the word “ladies”, or even trying to find some sign of a feminine product dispenser. But much to my dismay, I was met by a sign in bold letters that said “Unisex Toilet”. Being a small bit skeptical at first, I decided to bite the bullet and walk in.

Now all would have been perfectly fine, if I had not been met by two men who automatically looked me up and down the minute I walked in. I’m not talking about the kind of way that girls do to see what another girl is wearing, but the kind of way that if I even made a friendly smile, they would take it as an invitation to make some kind of inappropriate and unasked for move on me. Right there, any confidence I had built up in telling myself ‘all will be fine, we are all in here for the same reason’ was dashed. My eyes automatically hit the floor as I twisted my toes inward to look like I was occupied, as to avoid attracting any more attention.

One of the bartenders whom I had a conversation with earlier in the night walked in at that point, and automatically noticed my discomfort. I watched him as he surveyed the scene of the two men, who had yet to stop looking at me, and look to see my facial expression. It must have been a mix of fear/discomfort/and an awful need to use the bathroom that caused him to walk over and whisper to me “Do you want me to stay in here until they leave and then wait outside for you?” An immense feeling of relief washed over me as I nodded eagerly and ran into a stall. While in there I heard the bartender tell the men to finish up and to stop loitering about. When I walked out of the stall, he nodded to me and I thanked him.

Now back to the topic on hand, if I was in the restroom with someone who was transgender would I feel uncomfortable? I’m not sure. There are many people who are transgender whom we wouldn’t really know were originally a different gender. For example Gigi Lazzarato (or Gigi Gorgeous as she is known by her YouTube subscribers). She is a Louboutin wearing, make up reviewing, socialite who would never fit in if she were to step into a male oriented bathroom. If I were in Miss Lazzarato’s expensive shoes, I do not think I would either.

But then there is the side of me that just experienced being in a unisex restroom and feeling extreme discomfort. True, I was with males who identified as males, but the same sort of thought lingers a bit. I’m very torn on this subject and I still don’t really know where I sit on this subject. In some ways, I feel happy for those who do identify as a different gender than what is on their birth certificate. If I had identified as a man or woman for a majority of my life, I would want to use the bathroom that fits me. In other ways, it does make me nervous that some people may try to take advantage of this for not so great ideals.

Whichever way you feel on this subject is all up to you. You can feel free to sign the petition and never step foot into Target again, or you can celebrate for those who now can feel more comfortable in common everyday situations. I will most likely remain sitting on this fence for a while.

From a Knight to a Viking

Making the transition from private liberal arts to public university...

One of the biggest transitions that you will make studying abroad is a change of school. Coming from Saint Michael's College (a private liberal arts school with student population of about 1,800) and going to Murdoch University (a public university with a student population of about 16,000) has been a huge step in my life. Yet, it's not just the size that has my head spinning, there are many differences in college life abroad compared to home.

Professors, Professionalism and being on a First-Name Basis:

This first real change I noticed was in lectures with professors. You do not need to address them "Professor Smith" or "Doctor Adams" you would just call them "Dave" or "Susan". This has been an extremely weird transition of stepping out of a more professional relationship into a more casual one.

Along with the informality in how you address your professors, emails share the same traits. I needed to change the due date of an assignment so I wrote out a long email, requesting as politely as possible to be able to move this assignment a bit earlier. I received a simple "okie dokie" back from my professor. I can honestly say, that is not the response I expected.

I don't see anything wrong in the less formal lifestyle and relationships between students and professors, I find it almost amusing to be able to call them by their first name in lectures or tutorials, and a bit relaxing to know my emails don't have to be proof-read 10 times over.

Units, and Lectures, and Tutorials! Oh, my!

Another change is how classes (or units as they are called here) are structured. For starters, everything is broken down into different sections. My marine biology class has five parts, Lecture I, Lecture II, PreLab, Lab, and Field Trip. I have lecture I every Monday morning and lecture II every Wednesday afternoon. I then have PreLab and Lab on Monday afternoons, but only during weeks two and three. Field Trips happen weeks six, eight, and eleven. Confused yet?

When I was first signing up for my unit/lab/tutorial times I was super confused on why there were so many parts to each unit. At home you pick a class and you have it at the same time (for the most part, there are very few exceptions) either Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays or Tuesdays and Thursdays. Here units tend to only be once a week. For example, my public relations class has its lecture on Tuesday morning and the tutorial (when the class splits into a smaller group to discuss lectures and readings) that same day in the afternoon.

I'm slowly learning how to manage when I have a lab or tutorial, it's definitely a huge transition from SMC meeting times.

Hitting the Books

Studying and homework is very different here than at SMC. First of all, classes are usually broken down here with grading as follows: Midterm- 25%, Project- 35%, Final- 40%. Or some variation with added side projects and essays or presentations. You aren't graded on homework, participation, or attendance at all.

The next difference is reading assignments. It's all up to you to read as much or as little as you want. Professors usually give in the course outline the "required readings" (what you need to read to understand the lecture), the "recommended readings" (a bit of extra information to help you master what you have been studying) and the "additional readings" (can't learn enough about tectonic plates? Here are five more scholastic journals on them.) This in a way can be helpful, but also overwhelming at the same time.

The biggest difference I've seen so far is that assignments are your own responsibility. The professor doesn't end the lecture saying "read chapters 12-15 for the next lecture" or "I will email you your assignment" it's all on you. It is your job as a student to check each night what you need to read and have finished by the next unit meeting time. Whether it be reading a few chapters, finishing research for your lab, or writing in your semester long journal, it's up to you to find those assignments.

Now, I'm not saying that being responsible is a bad thing, I really like being in charge of my learning. I am lucky that here at Murdoch they have a website called "LMS" that has all your units broken down with the syllabus, important dates, unit timetables and links to textbooks and readings. LMS is definitely the most helpful website related to college classes I have ever seen.

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With every step in your life comes changes and transitions. The step I decided to make studying abroad in Australia has brought on not only cultural changes, but academic changes. When you are looking at studying abroad, don't let the transfer of schools scare you. Once you are a week in, it starts to feel as familiar as taking Monday/Wednesday/Friday classes. Except classes are once a week, with multiple meeting times, but only some of those times are during certain weeks, and you need to look up your assignments and.... ;)

About a Week Ago...

Hello all from sunny Australia!

After a flight change fiasco I finally made it to the land down under. I have been here since 18 February and I was able to spend about a week exploring Perth and all it had to offer, before starting classes on 29 February.

My first day here I did the most Australian thing I could think of; went to the beach! I had not even put my suitcases down when my roommates came back to the flat, introduced themselves, and told me to come with them to the beach. There are 10,685 beaches in the country of Australia, so if I could check one of them off on my very first day, I was going too.

The water is the most beautiful shade of blue-green here, and it is the warmest sea water I have ever experienced.  I have since traveled to three other beaches, and each is equally as warm, with crystal clear water and hot sand.

Me in my natural ocean habitat

The next adventure I was off too was nightlife in Fremantle. The Newport Hotel had its annual "Welcome Back" party for students who attend Murdoch University. I had so much fun dancing and spending time with my friends, Perth really knows how to make new and returning students feel right at home.

My favorite adventure yet has been Caversham Wildlife Park in Whiteman. There you can find and maybe even feed every Australian animal you can think of. We started off in the kangaroo and wallaby pens. Here you can feed both types of animals and sit and pat them. There were probably 80 kangaroos and wallaby combined and all of them were eager to nibble some pellets out of your hand.

I am the Kangaroo Whisperer

I was also able to pet and take a multitude of photos with the super sleepy koalas. At the park I learned koalas sleep about 20 hours a day. The park compensates with this by only have the exhibit open for two 2 hour blocks a day. We were lucky to be able to go in right before we had to leave.

They were absolutely adorable and definitely had a love for sleep and eucalyptus. They are kept in a section that is temperature controlled and also has an almost constant mist of rain to keep their food watered.

There have also been multiple trips to the pool here in the village I am staying in, into the city to see the new Elizabeth Quay esplanade, and many fun memories made. There will be many more updates to come!

My life in Perth has been absolutely amazing so far, and its only week 2 ;)

What To Do With Travel Snafus

As I am sitting in my hotel in Los Angeles I can't help but to think about other study abroad students who have been in my position. A flight came in late due to weather or mechanical issues or any other problem, your connecting flight was cancelled, or you didn't even make it to the airport on time, we have all been there.

I was meant to be on a flight to Auckland, New Zealand from LAX last night at 9:45, but due to the snow in NYC, my flight took off late, and the time that I had saved to switch airlines and terminals, had been used to clear the runway and de-ice the plane. No complaints here, I'd rather have a safe flight free of issues than be put into any danger.

Once I had picked my baggage up from the carousel and booked it to my new terminal, I knew that just by looking at the check-in counter women, I had missed my flight. Their sympathetic faces gave it all away. This is when I learned the first of many lessons last night;

Airlines Are Forgiving:

Trust me, if you feel like I did last night (that it's the end of the world and you'll never get to your destination) I am here to reassure you! Airlines will try to work with you and your schedule to make a new flight work. For me, they checked my boarding pass from my flight that came in late, and put me on the next flight that matched my original, which weirdly was the exact same, just a day later. This was all free of charge, and included friendly smiles, jokes about snow, and compliments on your passport holder.

Airport Sleepovers Aren't Always Necessary: 

The biggest surprise that met me during my hour of panic, was that airlines will also help find you accommodations, and will sometimes pay for them for you. In my case, the weather that delayed our take-off, was within the reason of Jet Blue paying for me to stay in a hotel for a night. I told the man behind the counter about my situation, and within minutes he had booked a hotel room for me, and helped me find the shuttle to my home for the night.

Keep Important Numbers On You:

Before I left for what I thought was going to be my big day of travel, I made a folder of all important documents, phone numbers, websites, and addresses. You don't have to go all out like I did (I put all of these in separate plastic sleeves, it's a bit over the top) but having important information like this easily accessible is key! While waiting for my hotel to be booked, I called the emergency number for my study abroad program (AIFS) and told them about my situation. They were very understanding and comforting as well. This is something you need to make sure you do if you find yourself in a delay. Your program keeps track of your arrival, and if you don't arrive on time they will phone your emergency contact numbers trying to find you. A quick phone call is A LOT easier for the program then having them call around to track your whereabouts.

Family Comes First:

It is even more important to let your family know what is happening. I usually message my parents while boarding and then when I land. This keeps them in the loop of where you are, and can also make it easier for them to help with snafus. It also keeps them from worrying too much, which is always key in travel. I messaged my parents the second my flight was rebooked to let them know that I would be staying in Los Angeles for the night, and what my next steps were. Having them to also talk me through what was happening and keep me calm was important too.

Stay Calm:

What I learned overall is that you need to keep calm during these situations. I promise you, it will all work out and you're not the only person going through this. Flights are delayed, cancelled, and changed every minute all around the world. I promise you that there will always be another flight to where you need to go within 24 hours. Just keep your wits about you, take a few deep breathes, and continue on with the adventure.

50 Ways to Load Your Luggage

1. Stare at the pile of clothes that has slowly turned into a mountain in your room
2. Text all your friends at once to see what they are up too
3. Go on Facebook
4. End up in your cousin's bridesmaid's sister's "Wedding 2011" album
5. Switch to Instagram
6. Look at pictures of "nice cream" and yogurt bowls
7. Wonder why these are so popular
8. Consider making your own to post and get thousands of likes
9. Open up your suitcase
10. Coax your pet into the suitcase
11. Snapchat a picture of your pet in the suitcase with the caption "Packing Done!" Or "He wants to come too!"
12. Look around your room and try to decide what you need
13. Consult at least 6 websites on what the climate is like in your travel destination
14. Search the weather for the next week at your travel destination
15. End up somehow looking at the rain patterns of western Ohio
16. Start folding and rolling some clothes and putting them in your suitcase
17. Spend 20 minutes trying to decide between two similar pairs of shoes
18. End up putting them both in
19. Try to be organized and plan outfits
20. Come to the realization that strategy never works for you and pack five shirts for every pair of pants, skirt, shorts etc.
21. Get a snack
22. Or two
23. Or make some brownies because you feel they are necessary
24. Try to figure out a way to pack underwear neatly
25. (Hint: there is no way)
26. Snapchat a picture of your suitcase half full and send it to your friends with the scared face emoji
27. Watch everyone's Snapchat story plus 6-8 of the "Discover" stories
28. See this as the perfect time to practice your instrument of choice
29. Realize this isn't the time after you figure out you can't play your song of choice
30. Pack more clothes!
31. "Accidentally" put on your party playlist
32. Dance around for a half hour while pretending you are Beyoncé
33. Put the last of your clothes into your suitcase
34. See that it is overflowing
35. Ignore that it is overflowing
36. Try to zip it up
37. When it doesn't zip up, sit on it
38. Try to zip it up again
39. Open your suitcase up and question why it won't zip
40. Roll clothes even tighter and try to squish them down more
41. Get rid of two out of the ten pairs of shoes you packed
42. Sit on suitcase again
43. Zip it halfway
44. Adjust weight to the other side
45. Zip it 3/4 of the way
46. Try to push clothes into the middle of the suitcase, away from the zipper gap
47. Pull zipper as hard as you can and finish zipping
48. Lock your suitcase
49. Test your lock combination 434219 times to make sure you can get back into your suitcase
50. Relax because you are done.